Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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