You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
