We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
