the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Randomize
