I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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