So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize