in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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