Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize