i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
