either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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