i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
