Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
