I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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