ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
