I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
