A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
