My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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