it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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