I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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