Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
