sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
