My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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