Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Text me some of your sweat
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