i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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