You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize