Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
