just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
