Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
