I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
