That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
