How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
