I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
