I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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