Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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