Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
