Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
