If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize