3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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