So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
