Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Randomize
