i just had sex bonerless
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize