I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I can't put those talents on a resume
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
