You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
