Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
