don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
