Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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