toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
found the other keg... it's in the tree
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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