and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
