Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize