This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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