Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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