I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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