The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
