i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
