he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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