and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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