Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
