im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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