I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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