Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
