I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
