is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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