What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
