look no pants
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize