i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
