i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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