I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
