he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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