I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
a search helicopter?!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
