he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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