You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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