I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
