I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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