Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
