If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
