I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
