I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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