Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They should really pass out barf bags in church
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
