It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
