just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
