she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
