Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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