so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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