I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
