In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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