my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
