Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
