Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
