we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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