I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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