the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
