Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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