Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
either way he was missing a nipple.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize