My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
