I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Houston, we have a blender
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
