sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
