Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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