East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
