Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize
