Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
