Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
