you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
