I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
bring money and cleavage
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
