Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize