dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
