Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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