why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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