But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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