go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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