I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
