so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I want her autograph on my taint
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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