i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
