why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm too high and old for this...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
