Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize