Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
