She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
