shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
