it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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