I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
