I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
