did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
