cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
