1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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