If that was your dad, he is hot
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize