At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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