So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize