remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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