WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
All the doctor said was why
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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