Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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